Category: Parenting

How To Help Your Child Through A Meltdown

Parenting has many challenges, especially when responding to your child’s meltdowns. You may find yourself panicking on how to respond to them. The best course of action is to always take a deep breath and know they are not doing anything on purpose. Once you can do that, you are able to respond to their needs.

The online article 20 Things To Say To Your Child Instead Of “Don’t Cry”  has some wonderful and helpful tips on how you can respond to your child. The article referenced the common responses that parents say to their child, such as “don’t cry” or “it makes me sad to see you cry”. These statements can directly and indirectly tell your child that their innate response to pain/ suffering should be kept private or that the child is causing the parent harm by expressing a natural emotional response.

Helping your child build their emotional resources by normalizing their responses is the first step. Acknowledging they are having a hard time and that you are there for them is a step in the right direction. The 20 responses to say to your child was copied and pasted below. I thought they were helpful tips in responding to your child.

1. I’m right here
2. I see how upset you are
3. I’m sorry this is hard, Love
4. I’ll be with you while you are upset
5. I’m not going anywhere
6. You are safe
7. There’s nothing more important than being with you right now
8. I’m sorry… you lost your lamby/your friend said that/you dropped your ice cream
9. I hear you Sweetheart

Drawing attention repeatedly back to the facts that are driving the upset:
10. You really wanted…that toy/some ice cream/daddy to stay home/to go to the park
11. That…dog/kid/ride/the way I shouted scared you
12. Let’s have another look at your hurt…knee/finger/toe

Holding a limit around the situation (and listening to the protests):
13. I can’t let you…go to that party/hit her/have that treat/play with my glasses
14. I need you to…put your shoes on/finish your homework/get in the car now

Reminding them of the hopeful perspective on the situation (and listening to their hopeless response):
15. You’ll get chocolate again soon
16. I know you’ll figure this all out
17. Mummy is coming back later
18. I’m sure you can still have a good time
19. You’ll do just fine with the tshirt we have
20. It won’t be like this forever

(photo taken from cliparts.co)

Does Stress Affect the Brain?

Stress can feel inevitable at times and just a part of life. We all have our ways to cope and manage stressors in our lives. It is when stress becomes chronic and our ways of managing does not remedy the situation. The Ted ED made a video on How stress affects your brain. It is posted below with a summary of the video.

Video Summary:

  • Chronic stress does affect your brain size and functionality.
  • The hypothalamus pituitary Adrenal Axis (HPAA), is the part of your brain where stress begins. It is a series of actions of endocrine glands in the brain and kidney that controls your response to stress.
  • When under stress your HPAA is activated and releases a hormone called cortisol.
  • Cortisol prepares you to respond to the stress ie. fight, flight or freeze.
  • High levels of cortisol changes the neural connections in the part of the brain called the Amygdala. This part of the brain is the fear center.
  • When cortisol levels increase, signals are sent to the part of the brain called the Hippocampus. This part of the brain is associated with learning, memories, and stress regulation starts to deteriorate due to the chronic stress arousal.
  • The hippocampus prevents the HPAA from managing stress (weakens you ability to manage stress).
  • Chronic cortisol levels can shrink your brain and reduces the amount of synaptic connections between neurons in the brain.
  • This shrinking affects the prefrontal cortex. This region regulates behaviours (such as decision making, concentration, judgement and social interactions). therefore, chronic stress may make it difficult to remember and learn new things.
  • These changes can lead to bigger problems like depression and then eventually Alzheimer disease.

A Study on Rats:

  •  A study completed with rats showed that a mother’s nurturance (emotional and physical response) to her baby played a huge role on how the baby will respond to stress later in life.
  • These babies with nurturing moms turned out less sensitive to stress because their brain developed more cortisol receptors. These receptors stick to cortisol and lessens the stress response.
  • The rats with negligent moms had the opposite outcomes and were highly sensitive to stress. These changes can be changed if the moms were nurturing and can alter the next generation of babies.

There is Hope:

  • To reverse the affects cortisol has on your brain is to exercise, and meditation/ mindfulness. This increases the size of the hippocampus and lessens your stress and improves your memory.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Free Legal Representation For Women

Since 2002, the province of BC has cut back on legal aid funding. This has caused a large barrier for women in obtaining free legal advice. The Rise Women’s Legal Centre dedicated their practice in helping women with legal troubles. They even take on family court issues. If you are dealing with Custody and Access issues or Ministry of Children and Family Development involvement, this would be the right resource for you.

Rise Women’s Legal Centre

201 – 456 West Broadway,
Vancouver, BC V5Y 1R3

Intake appointments Tuesdays and Wednesdays starting May 24, 2016

info@womenslegalcentre.ca

(604) 451-7447

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Inside Out and Emotional Regulation

Helping Children express their emotions have been linked to academic success. Children need to feel good and believe they are capable of achieving anything. Self confidence has a lot to do with how a person views themselves and in relation to others. When children are exposed to environments that are nurturing and stable, they flourish.

Of course this is not a new concept but an important reminder. Children respond to stress with their emotions and behaviours. There is no such thing as a bad child, but there is such thing as a lost child. The hope is to help children find ways to cope with uneasy feelings through empathy and discussions.

The questions copied and pasted below was taken from a blog post on Emotions Affect Learning, Behaviours, and Relationships. The author discusses how healthy emotional regulation is integral for children and their brain development. The film INSIDE OUT was highlighted as an example of how a child develops core memories and the relation to their emotional health. The author developed the questions below to promote self-reflection and awareness within children by using questions connected to the film.

Questions for Children

“Sadness helped Joy in the film, and your own Sadness can help you.

1. How do you cope with Sadness?
2. Can you use your Sadness to feel better? How?
3. What would happen if we never felt Sadness? Is it sometimes good to keep Sadness inside a circle so that it does not spread and get out of control? Why?

Fear and Anger can protect and motivate us.

4. When was Fear needed in your life?
5. How did Fear help you?
6. What is the perfect amount of Fear?
7. What happens to our thinking and problem solving when we carry too much Fear or Sadness?
8. How does Anger show up in your brain?
9. Has Anger ever helped you?
10. How do you typically handle your Anger?

Disgust keeps us from being poisoned physically and socially.

11. How has the feeling of Disgust helped you?
12. How has expressing Disgust hurt your relationships or experiences?

In the film, Joy plays the leading role among the feelings in Riley’s brain.

13. Does Joy always play the leading role in our brains?
14. What happened when Joy and Sadness left headquarters?
15. How do we see Joy in your brain?
16. What creates Joy to take over your brain?

Imagine having no feelings at all.

17. What would life be like if we didn’t have feelings?
18. Describe two positive changes in our life if we didn’t have feelings.
19. Describe two negative changes that could occur in a life with no feelings.” (Dr. Lori Desautels, March 10, 2016)

(photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Children and Mindfulness

Mindfulness may feel like a buzz word that is floating around. The fact is, it is not a buzz word or a fad. It is a way of life and can provide you with meaning and purpose. Essentially, to be mindful it means to be attuned to your feelings, thoughts, surroundings, and body. That may sound overwhelming but once you get the hang of it, it will become a natural process.

Unfortunately, our society tends to focus on doing things in a fast pace without really taking notice of how it impacts you. This way of existence can cause many forms of ailments, such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, It is important to notice and take time for yourself. Start each day by noticing your breath and how it moves in and out of your body. That will lead you into other avenues to be attuned.

I found an article that provides 7 ways to teach your children about mindfulness. Since role modelling is one of the essential components to a healthy attachment, do it with them!

Here is a video on how mindfulness can empower you. Enjoy!

(photo taken by cliparts.co)

Children and Technology

Science and technology in the 21st century is advanced and amazing. We can access just about anything right at our finger tips. Obviously, there are several advantages in having advanced technology in North America, however there are always disadvantages. The disadvantages surround our younger population. Specifically, our children and youth. They are exposed to iphones, video games, and ipads etc. at a young age without any idea of what that may do to their developing brains.

It is very common and apart of our culture to allow our children to freely use these devices, however, when done in excess it can be disruptive. Creating structure, safety, and boundaries with the use of technology is always important. That means, set a time limit and always be in front of your child while they are playing/ interacting. Your child may resist if these are new rules but in time, they will be happy you did.

The article below provides information and details on ways you can create structure with your children and their technology use.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201604/3-mistakes-parents-make-technology

(photo taken by Cliparts.co)

The Teenage Brain

Dr. Daniel Siegel has written several books on brain development. His research has an influential impact on how we can interact with children and youth. Brain maturation ends when an individual turns 25 years old. The underdeveloped part of the brain that is still forming is called the prefrontal cortex.  The prefrontal cortex masters the following functions:

  • impulse control
  • attention
  • decision making
  • logical thinking
  • complex planning
  • organization
  • risk management
  • personality development, and
  • short term memory

These functions have an important role in healthy brain development. Understanding that your child and/ or youth are unable to follow the above functions may help when evaluating your expectations of them. Compassion goes a long way when discussing topics with your child. Hearing what their struggles are and validating them, helps break down barriers within your communication style. Remember, they are just like you and want to be heard and acknowledged too.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

 

When Children Express Anger

Expressing anger is a healthy emotion. It is a part of life.

Children gradually develop ways to manage their big emotions, but they need help from their parents. It can be challenging to see your child act out with aggression, so it is important to not respond with anger.

Some helpful tools from Daniel Siegal’s book, No Drama Discipline, uses three questions to help any parent when confronted with an upset child.

  • Why is my child behaving this way?
  • What do I want to teach my child?
  • How do I teach them?

For more helpful suggestions, please read the article below to learn more ways to respond to your child.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/What_To_Do_When_Your_Child_Gets_Angry

(photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Storytelling With Children

A parent’s role is one of the hardest jobs out there. Nobody can prepare you for it. You can imagine it, read about it, and or hear others talk about it, but it never really sinks in until you’re a parent. I found the parallels of parenting and teaching to be very similar. Parents teach children how to manage their emotions socially and behaviorally by role modelling. How parents deal with stress is the way your child(ren) will deal with stress. In my opinion, role modelling is one of biggest and conspicuous forms of teaching.

A inconspicuous way of teaching is through storytelling. Relating and validating your child(ren) experiences through a narrative has many healing affects for their social and emotional development. The article below discusses how narration helps kids talk about their experiences without lecturing.

http://goodmenproject.com/families/why-storytelling-is-way-better-than-lecturing-your-kids/

Talking With Children About Tragedies

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of overcoming of it”- Helen Keller

It is hard to make sense of tragedies even for adults, so to attempt to explain it to a child, can be overwhelming. Knowing and understanding your limitations when discussing difficult topics is important. It can be challenging to meet your child’s emotional needs when you are struggling yourself. Allowing the time to process the discomfort may make it easier to talk with your children about it.

The links attached below are informative tips and insights on how you can talk to your kids about tragedies.

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/Talking-To-Children-About-Tragedies-and-Other-News-Events.aspx

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA11-DISASTER/SMA11-DISASTER-09.pdf

http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/appendix_tips_for_parents_with_schoolage_children.pdf

http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/appendix_tips_for_parents_with_preschool_children.pdf