Category: Mindfulness

What Is Your Communication Style?

Sounds like a simple question, right? The use of language is our way communicate. Language can be expressed verbally, in writing, behaviourally, and in abstract art to relay messages. Our communication style is our tone of voice in how we communicate and in conjunction with our behaviours (non-verbally with body language), but did you know there are 5 styles to communicate? The 5 styles are:

  1. Aggressive- violating the persons rights and needs by using anger.
  2. Passive- Aggressive- denying your negative feelings even though it is obvious.
  3. Assertive- expressing feelings and needs in a way that respects the other person’s beliefs.
  4. Submissive / Passive- Being unclear with how you feel and easily persuaded to take on others’ needs.
  5. Manipulative- Exploiting and mentally distorting with the intention to gain power and control of others’.

Identifying your style helps in how you confront issues in your life. Sometimes we have distorted ways of thinking or perceiving an event, which can influence our communication. Below is a copy of 15 styles of distorted thinking taken from Vanderlygeek:

Identifying and naming how you comprehend information is important when trying to change. Our perception is always different, but when we have negative thoughts controlling how we communicate, it impacts our relationships and quality of life.

What can you do? The use of I statements help in relaying how you feel without imposing or discrediting others. Examples of I statements are:

  1.  I feel… sad (emotion) when you criticize my cooking.
  2. I feel… annoyed when you interrupt me mid sentence.

 

 

 

 

Just Keep Breathing….Just Keep Breathing…

Just inhale in and exhale out, right? Sounds easy, but may not be so simple.

After a stressful day or week, what are some things you do that help you decompress? Some go to the gym and others may have that occasional alcoholic beverage to relax, but how about controlled breathing?

Controlled breathing can help decrease stress and increase mental alertness. Similarly, to attending a yoga class. Yogi’s have incorporated breath attunement in their practice for centuries. Research studies validated the benefits of controlled breathing on those who suffer from depression and anxiety. By slowly taking in concentrated breaths in and out supplies your body with oxygen and stabilizes your nervous system. Due to our environment being chaotic and fast paced, we can lose track on how stress effects our bodies.

Allowing yourself a few minutes each day to regulate your breath is helpful in maintaining a balance. Below is a simple script of controlled breathing copied and pasted from the article Breathe. Exhale. Repeat: The Benefits of Controlled Breathing:

“1. Sitting upright or lying down, place your hands on your belly.

2. Slowly breathe in, expanding your belly, to the count of five.

3. Pause.

4. Slowly breathe out to the count of six.

5. Work your way up to practicing this pattern for 10 to 20 minutes a day.”

Happy breathing!

(photo taken from Cliparts.co)

 

How To Help Your Child Through A Meltdown

Parenting has many challenges, especially when responding to your child’s meltdowns. You may find yourself panicking on how to respond to them. The best course of action is to always take a deep breath and know they are not doing anything on purpose. Once you can do that, you are able to respond to their needs.

The online article 20 Things To Say To Your Child Instead Of “Don’t Cry”  has some wonderful and helpful tips on how you can respond to your child. The article referenced the common responses that parents say to their child, such as “don’t cry” or “it makes me sad to see you cry”. These statements can directly and indirectly tell your child that their innate response to pain/ suffering should be kept private or that the child is causing the parent harm by expressing a natural emotional response.

Helping your child build their emotional resources by normalizing their responses is the first step. Acknowledging they are having a hard time and that you are there for them is a step in the right direction. The 20 responses to say to your child was copied and pasted below. I thought they were helpful tips in responding to your child.

1. I’m right here
2. I see how upset you are
3. I’m sorry this is hard, Love
4. I’ll be with you while you are upset
5. I’m not going anywhere
6. You are safe
7. There’s nothing more important than being with you right now
8. I’m sorry… you lost your lamby/your friend said that/you dropped your ice cream
9. I hear you Sweetheart

Drawing attention repeatedly back to the facts that are driving the upset:
10. You really wanted…that toy/some ice cream/daddy to stay home/to go to the park
11. That…dog/kid/ride/the way I shouted scared you
12. Let’s have another look at your hurt…knee/finger/toe

Holding a limit around the situation (and listening to the protests):
13. I can’t let you…go to that party/hit her/have that treat/play with my glasses
14. I need you to…put your shoes on/finish your homework/get in the car now

Reminding them of the hopeful perspective on the situation (and listening to their hopeless response):
15. You’ll get chocolate again soon
16. I know you’ll figure this all out
17. Mummy is coming back later
18. I’m sure you can still have a good time
19. You’ll do just fine with the tshirt we have
20. It won’t be like this forever

(photo taken from cliparts.co)

Does Stress Affect the Brain?

Stress can feel inevitable at times and just a part of life. We all have our ways to cope and manage stressors in our lives. It is when stress becomes chronic and our ways of managing does not remedy the situation. The Ted ED made a video on How stress affects your brain. It is posted below with a summary of the video.

Video Summary:

  • Chronic stress does affect your brain size and functionality.
  • The hypothalamus pituitary Adrenal Axis (HPAA), is the part of your brain where stress begins. It is a series of actions of endocrine glands in the brain and kidney that controls your response to stress.
  • When under stress your HPAA is activated and releases a hormone called cortisol.
  • Cortisol prepares you to respond to the stress ie. fight, flight or freeze.
  • High levels of cortisol changes the neural connections in the part of the brain called the Amygdala. This part of the brain is the fear center.
  • When cortisol levels increase, signals are sent to the part of the brain called the Hippocampus. This part of the brain is associated with learning, memories, and stress regulation starts to deteriorate due to the chronic stress arousal.
  • The hippocampus prevents the HPAA from managing stress (weakens you ability to manage stress).
  • Chronic cortisol levels can shrink your brain and reduces the amount of synaptic connections between neurons in the brain.
  • This shrinking affects the prefrontal cortex. This region regulates behaviours (such as decision making, concentration, judgement and social interactions). therefore, chronic stress may make it difficult to remember and learn new things.
  • These changes can lead to bigger problems like depression and then eventually Alzheimer disease.

A Study on Rats:

  •  A study completed with rats showed that a mother’s nurturance (emotional and physical response) to her baby played a huge role on how the baby will respond to stress later in life.
  • These babies with nurturing moms turned out less sensitive to stress because their brain developed more cortisol receptors. These receptors stick to cortisol and lessens the stress response.
  • The rats with negligent moms had the opposite outcomes and were highly sensitive to stress. These changes can be changed if the moms were nurturing and can alter the next generation of babies.

There is Hope:

  • To reverse the affects cortisol has on your brain is to exercise, and meditation/ mindfulness. This increases the size of the hippocampus and lessens your stress and improves your memory.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Children and Mindfulness

Mindfulness may feel like a buzz word that is floating around. The fact is, it is not a buzz word or a fad. It is a way of life and can provide you with meaning and purpose. Essentially, to be mindful it means to be attuned to your feelings, thoughts, surroundings, and body. That may sound overwhelming but once you get the hang of it, it will become a natural process.

Unfortunately, our society tends to focus on doing things in a fast pace without really taking notice of how it impacts you. This way of existence can cause many forms of ailments, such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, It is important to notice and take time for yourself. Start each day by noticing your breath and how it moves in and out of your body. That will lead you into other avenues to be attuned.

I found an article that provides 7 ways to teach your children about mindfulness. Since role modelling is one of the essential components to a healthy attachment, do it with them!

Here is a video on how mindfulness can empower you. Enjoy!

(photo taken by cliparts.co)

The Four Horsemen

Managing conflict in relationships can be overwhelming, especially if we are emotionally flooded. Dr. John Gottman, created the concept The Four Horsemen. He focused on four destructive communication styles in relationships.

A brief summary of The Four Horsemen are:

  1. Criticism: Attacking your partners character rather than the unwanted behaviour.
  2. Defensiveness: Blaming your partner to protect yourself in an argument.
  3. Contempt: Using name calling to put down your partner when attempting to prove a point.
  4. Stonewalling: Ignoring your partner during an argument because you have withdrawn from the conversation.

The video below provides a helpful animated narrative of how this concept impacts relationships.

(Photo taken by Cliparts.co)

Self- Compassion

We tend to mold our identity and self- worth based on what others tell us and how we are treated. Prolonged exposure to toxic and damaging environments can lead to a lowered self-compassion. There is a way out, so don’t despair, things will get better.

Watch this animated short film about self compassion. The video provides 6 steps in developing a compassionate heart and mind.

Summary of the 6 steps:

  1. It is okay and normal to fail. Life is a journey filled with lessons that help you become resilient and stronger.
  2. Family patterns are not our fault. What happened in the past may explain what contributes to your problems, but it does not define you.
  3. Social media influences glamorizes lifestyles, which may not be genuine. It is important to never compare.
  4. Luck is real and a genuine state of existence. We are not in control of luck, it just happens.
  5. Your whole self- worth isn’t your external achievements. There are more meaningful achievements such as, praise and encouragement from loved ones.
  6. Crises eventually end. By reducing expectations and having time to rest. It will get better.

 

Electronic Devices and Sleep

Are you getting enough sleep? There could be many factors that contributes to sleep troubles. One major influence on sleep can be the use of your smartphone, ipad, kindle etc. at night. The light from the devices triggers a response to your brain saying it is not time to sleep. Dr. Daniel Siegal’s  explanation on how smartphones impact your brain, body, and sleep habits provides a clinical perspective.

Dr. Siegal stated that adults need 7- 9hrs of sleep and when you do not get enough sleep, you can experience the following:

  • Decreased attention,
  • Impaired memory,
  • Challenged thinking,
  • Decreased insulin function which slows down your metabolism (ie. weight gain), and
  • Delayed secretion of natural melatonin due to the screen lights

Dr. Siegal suggested giving yourself at least an hour before bedtime to unwind from all devices.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Relationship Maintenance

Relationships take work.
There is no such thing as a perfect couple, because the idea of perfection, is a figment of our imagination. Relationships are evolving and fluid partnerships with another person. Our life experiences influences how we relate to others. This is called Attachment. Attachments provides a basis to our ability to connect with others. Take this quiz to see what relationship attachment style you are.
Overall, maintaining healthy relationships comes from having a compassionate heart. Using empathy and kindness towards another person can go a long way, especially when discussing frustrating topics.  Dr. John Gottman provides 20 thought provoking questions that will help develop insight when communicating with your partner.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-most-important-aspects-of-a-healthy-relationship-that-you-and-your-partner-need-to-satisfy/answer/Howie-Reith

(photo by clipart.co)

Coping with Valentines Day

Valentines day can be a difficult time for people that are not in romantic relationships. It can leave a person feeling lonely, embarrassed, ostracized, angry, resentful, and sad. Having these feelings are normal, especially with the amount of commercialization that February 14th has on consumers. There is a ton of money being made capitalizing on the “happy in love” emotions. Therefore, it is okay and healthy if you are not experiencing these emotions.

Whatever your circumstances may be, it is important to grieve and acknowledge what you are feeling. Once you overcome the heavy feelings, a helpful suggestion would be to change your perspective. Valentines day should not be the only day to express gratitude to your loved ones. Love should be expressed everyday and can be devoted to anyone and anything you choose to show love and gratitude towards.

The link below provides 50 helpful suggestions on how you can express or show love/ gratitude to your loved ones.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-ways-to-show-gratitude-for-the-people-in-your-life/

(photo by Cliparts.co)