Author: Magda

New Year’s Resolutions?

It is that time of year!! where we are reflecting and making New Year resolutions. Instead of creating a list of goals, why not focus on your successes? PH. D Sociologist Margee Kee, created 2 templates to help engage you in a different way. A creative way! A way that honors the milestones you have already reached. This template is called “this year I was awesome”.

successes.jpeg

Kee’s second template focuses on your fears for the New Year.  Identifying your challenges is the first step towards resolving them. Our fears are great at preventing us from reaching goals, but when we name, normalize, and challenge them we can overcome them. This template is called “I’m afraid of”.

fears.jpeg

Happy New Year!!!

 

 

Avoidance

Avoidance is a coping mechanism. When we are overwhelmed by our environment, it may seem easier to ignore the issue. In many ways, this can be viewed as emotional flooding. Avoiding issues may serve as a short term solution but if they are not resolved, it may exacerbate the problem. Below is a flow chart taken from the book, The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy. The chart provides a guide to help bring awareness on how you may address your emotions. 

 

worry-emotions

The flow chart provides three possible responses to emotions.

  1. Your emotional response is normal by: accepting it, expressing it, validate it, and learn from it.
  2. You avoid the emotional response by: ignoring it, replace it with other ways to gather control (binge eating, drinking, and drug use), and becoming numb to it.
  3. You have a negative interpretation of your emotions by: avoiding the issue (as outlined in the 2nd response mechanism), ostracize yourself by feeling guilty and ashamed for having these feelings, and feeling out of control because you have these feelings.

Avoiding uneasy feelings may lead down a pathway of feeling depressed and anxious. Therefore, decreasing the quality of life you could potentially have. Becoming aware of negative thought patterns and understanding how they influence you is the first step in finding inner peace.

Emotional Flooding

Emotional regulation is an important aspect to mental health. It is a balance between expressing uncomfortable emotions without losing control. When a person is not accustomed to expressing their feelings or working through them, it can lead to emotional flooding. (For more on emotional regulation, see previous post)

Emotional flooding is when an individual’s central nervous system (brain) is overwhelmed by an influx of stimuli (emotions). This can paralyze the individual’s ability to regulate their mood. The behavior presents to be indifferent or unaffected but is the exact opposite. The person is shutting down due to stress.

For example:

Partner (A) is expressing frustration towards Partner (B)’s undesirable behavior. Partner (B) shuts down and disengages with Partner (A). Perhaps even ignoring Partner (A). This angers Partner (A) and unintentionally antagonizes them to continue with their dissatisfaction towards Partner (B). Partner (B) is experiencing emotional flooding and becomes emotionally frozen.

The article below discusses Emotional flooding in relationships and provided some helpful tips.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stephanie-manes/relationship-tips_b_3676764.html

Emotional Regulation

What is emotional regulation? It is the ability to manage and control an emotional response through strategies that are self-soothing. The reactivity and regulatory responses to stressful situations may cause people to respond either negatively or positively. This depends on the integration of the right and left sides of the brain. (Cicchetti, Ganiban, & Barnett, 1991; Kopp; 1982; 1989; Thompson, 1994; Siegal & Bryson, 2011).

According to Dr. Daniel Siegal (2011), he explained that the brain has two hemispheres, right brain (emotional) and the left brain (logical). The integration of accessing both sides of the brain is an important aspect to our mental well-being. The two hemispheres integrate emotional responses and logical responses to regulate our reaction to stress.

Self-awareness and attunement to emotions are the building blocks to integrate the right with the left brain. Responding to emotional needs before arriving at solutions validates feelings and creates self-actualization (fulfillment and pride).

To find out more on whether you are self-aware, take the quiz below, and keep in mind tests are not always accurate.

http://embracingcivility.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Self-Awareness-Quiz.pdf

 

Cicchetti, D., Ganiban, J., & Barnett, D. (1991). Contributions from the study of high-risk populations to understanding the development of emotion regulation.

In J. Garber & K. A. Dodge (Eds.). The development of emotion regulation and dysregulation (pp. 15–48). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Kopp, C. (1982). Antecedents of self-regulation: A developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology, 18, 199–214.

Kopp, C. (1989). Regulation of distress and negative emotions: A developmental view. Developmental Psychology, 25, 243–254.

Siegal, D.J. & Bryson,T.P. (2001). The Whole- Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. New York: Bantam Books.

Thompson, R. A., & Calkins, S. D. (1996). The double-edged sword: Emotion regulation in high risk children. Development and Psychopathology, 8, 163–182.

http://embracingcivility.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Self-Awareness-Quiz.pdf

Talking With Children About Tragedies

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of overcoming of it”- Helen Keller

It is hard to make sense of tragedies even for adults, so to attempt to explain it to a child, can be overwhelming. Knowing and understanding your limitations when discussing difficult topics is important. It can be challenging to meet your child’s emotional needs when you are struggling yourself. Allowing the time to process the discomfort may make it easier to talk with your children about it.

The links attached below are informative tips and insights on how you can talk to your kids about tragedies.

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/Media/Pages/Talking-To-Children-About-Tragedies-and-Other-News-Events.aspx

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA11-DISASTER/SMA11-DISASTER-09.pdf

http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/appendix_tips_for_parents_with_schoolage_children.pdf

http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/appendix_tips_for_parents_with_preschool_children.pdf

 

Emotional Transformation

Through pain we see darkness, without darkness, we cannot see brightness. Transforming emotional pain into humility may not be easy, but with time, it becomes easier.  Allowing time to grieve or heal is an essential component to seeing the brightness. Once we have honored our feelings by working through them objectively, we can move towards our inner peace. Life lessons are apart of our journey, it is up to us to acknowledge them and adjust to make balanced choices.

I have attached an excerpt from Start Where You Are, by Pema Chodron. She did an exceptional job at framing this perspective.

OCCASIONS AS OPPORTUNITIES

“We make a lot of mistakes. If you ask people whom you consider to be wise and courageous about their lives, you may find that they have hurt a lot of people and made a lot of mistakes, but that they used those occasions as opportunities to humble themselves and open their hearts. We don’t get wise by staying in a room with all the doors and windows closed.” p.184–185

http://www.shambhala.com/start-where-you-are-3929.html

(photo taken by Magda Darkazalli, Uclulet, BC)

Mental Health and Employment

Supervisory support is essential in any workplace setting. CBC wrote a compelling article on mental illness in the workplace. The article highlighted the barriers that workplace settings have in dealing with staff with mental illnesses. The lack of engagement or apathy in assisting staff under duress contributes to a toxic work climate. Through  training, resources, acknowledgement, and genuineness workplace culture with mental health would vastly improve.

 

http://www.cbc.ca/beta/news/business/mental-illness-workplace-1.3295242

 

http://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca/English/issues/workplace/national-standard

Margaret Trudeau Talks Mental Illness

Margaret Trudeau has the platform to end the stigma of mental illness. Last Thursday she visited New Brunswick to talk about mental health. She used this platform to empower survivors by sharing her own personal struggles with mental illness. In turn, her experiences provide hope and encouragement to surpass the darkness that mental illness plagues people with.

View the CTV news story on her visit below.

http://atlantic.ctvnews.ca/margaret-trudeau-talks-mental-health-with-sold-out-crowd-in-new-brunswick-1.2625205

 

How To Find Happiness

We all struggle to find happiness and ultimately it is our journey to find out what that is. The excerpt below was taken from “No Time to Lose” by Pema Chodron, a Tibetan Buddhist Nun. She expresses her insights on how you can start your journey.

WE HAVE A CHOICE

“When someone harms us, they create the cause of their own suffering. They do this by strengthening habits that imprison them in a cycle of pain and confusion. It’s not that we are responsible for what someone else does, and certainly not that we should feel guilty. But when they harm us, we unintentionally become the means of their undoing. Had they looked on us with loving-kindness, however, we’d be the cause of their gathering virtue.

What I find helpful in this teaching is that what’s true for them is also true for me. The way I regard those who hurt me today will affect how I experience the world in the future. In any encounter, we have a choice: we can strengthen our resentment or our understanding and empathy. We can widen the gap between ourselves and others or lessen it.”

Excerpted from “No Time to Lose” by Pema Chödrön, page 185

 

5 Questions To Ask Your Child

As a former Child Protection Social Worker, child neglect and abuse was something I routinely assessed for. Having professional experience to draw from helps, but when you do not, it can be a bewildering experience for any parent. The articles below are helpful guides on assisting parents with what questions to ask your child and why keeping ‘secrets’ can be tricky.

http://fascinately.com/fascinating/2015/03/how-good-parents-miss-child-sexual-abuse-and-5-questions-to-change-that/

http://denver.citymomsblog.com/parenting/why-we-dont-keep-secrets-in-our-house/