Author: Magda

Children and Technology

Science and technology in the 21st century is advanced and amazing. We can access just about anything right at our finger tips. Obviously, there are several advantages in having advanced technology in North America, however there are always disadvantages. The disadvantages surround our younger population. Specifically, our children and youth. They are exposed to iphones, video games, and ipads etc. at a young age without any idea of what that may do to their developing brains.

It is very common and apart of our culture to allow our children to freely use these devices, however, when done in excess it can be disruptive. Creating structure, safety, and boundaries with the use of technology is always important. That means, set a time limit and always be in front of your child while they are playing/ interacting. Your child may resist if these are new rules but in time, they will be happy you did.

The article below provides information and details on ways you can create structure with your children and their technology use.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201604/3-mistakes-parents-make-technology

(photo taken by Cliparts.co)

The Teenage Brain

Dr. Daniel Siegel has written several books on brain development. His research has an influential impact on how we can interact with children and youth. Brain maturation ends when an individual turns 25 years old. The underdeveloped part of the brain that is still forming is called the prefrontal cortex.  The prefrontal cortex masters the following functions:

  • impulse control
  • attention
  • decision making
  • logical thinking
  • complex planning
  • organization
  • risk management
  • personality development, and
  • short term memory

These functions have an important role in healthy brain development. Understanding that your child and/ or youth are unable to follow the above functions may help when evaluating your expectations of them. Compassion goes a long way when discussing topics with your child. Hearing what their struggles are and validating them, helps break down barriers within your communication style. Remember, they are just like you and want to be heard and acknowledged too.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

 

The Four Horsemen

Managing conflict in relationships can be overwhelming, especially if we are emotionally flooded. Dr. John Gottman, created the concept The Four Horsemen. He focused on four destructive communication styles in relationships.

A brief summary of The Four Horsemen are:

  1. Criticism: Attacking your partners character rather than the unwanted behaviour.
  2. Defensiveness: Blaming your partner to protect yourself in an argument.
  3. Contempt: Using name calling to put down your partner when attempting to prove a point.
  4. Stonewalling: Ignoring your partner during an argument because you have withdrawn from the conversation.

The video below provides a helpful animated narrative of how this concept impacts relationships.

(Photo taken by Cliparts.co)

Self- Compassion

We tend to mold our identity and self- worth based on what others tell us and how we are treated. Prolonged exposure to toxic and damaging environments can lead to a lowered self-compassion. There is a way out, so don’t despair, things will get better.

Watch this animated short film about self compassion. The video provides 6 steps in developing a compassionate heart and mind.

Summary of the 6 steps:

  1. It is okay and normal to fail. Life is a journey filled with lessons that help you become resilient and stronger.
  2. Family patterns are not our fault. What happened in the past may explain what contributes to your problems, but it does not define you.
  3. Social media influences glamorizes lifestyles, which may not be genuine. It is important to never compare.
  4. Luck is real and a genuine state of existence. We are not in control of luck, it just happens.
  5. Your whole self- worth isn’t your external achievements. There are more meaningful achievements such as, praise and encouragement from loved ones.
  6. Crises eventually end. By reducing expectations and having time to rest. It will get better.

 

Electronic Devices and Sleep

Are you getting enough sleep? There could be many factors that contributes to sleep troubles. One major influence on sleep can be the use of your smartphone, ipad, kindle etc. at night. The light from the devices triggers a response to your brain saying it is not time to sleep. Dr. Daniel Siegal’s  explanation on how smartphones impact your brain, body, and sleep habits provides a clinical perspective.

Dr. Siegal stated that adults need 7- 9hrs of sleep and when you do not get enough sleep, you can experience the following:

  • Decreased attention,
  • Impaired memory,
  • Challenged thinking,
  • Decreased insulin function which slows down your metabolism (ie. weight gain), and
  • Delayed secretion of natural melatonin due to the screen lights

Dr. Siegal suggested giving yourself at least an hour before bedtime to unwind from all devices.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Relationship Maintenance

Relationships take work.
There is no such thing as a perfect couple, because the idea of perfection, is a figment of our imagination. Relationships are evolving and fluid partnerships with another person. Our life experiences influences how we relate to others. This is called Attachment. Attachments provides a basis to our ability to connect with others. Take this quiz to see what relationship attachment style you are.
Overall, maintaining healthy relationships comes from having a compassionate heart. Using empathy and kindness towards another person can go a long way, especially when discussing frustrating topics.  Dr. John Gottman provides 20 thought provoking questions that will help develop insight when communicating with your partner.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-most-important-aspects-of-a-healthy-relationship-that-you-and-your-partner-need-to-satisfy/answer/Howie-Reith

(photo by clipart.co)

Coping with Valentines Day

Valentines day can be a difficult time for people that are not in romantic relationships. It can leave a person feeling lonely, embarrassed, ostracized, angry, resentful, and sad. Having these feelings are normal, especially with the amount of commercialization that February 14th has on consumers. There is a ton of money being made capitalizing on the “happy in love” emotions. Therefore, it is okay and healthy if you are not experiencing these emotions.

Whatever your circumstances may be, it is important to grieve and acknowledge what you are feeling. Once you overcome the heavy feelings, a helpful suggestion would be to change your perspective. Valentines day should not be the only day to express gratitude to your loved ones. Love should be expressed everyday and can be devoted to anyone and anything you choose to show love and gratitude towards.

The link below provides 50 helpful suggestions on how you can express or show love/ gratitude to your loved ones.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-ways-to-show-gratitude-for-the-people-in-your-life/

(photo by Cliparts.co)

When Children Express Anger

Expressing anger is a healthy emotion. It is a part of life.

Children gradually develop ways to manage their big emotions, but they need help from their parents. It can be challenging to see your child act out with aggression, so it is important to not respond with anger.

Some helpful tools from Daniel Siegal’s book, No Drama Discipline, uses three questions to help any parent when confronted with an upset child.

  • Why is my child behaving this way?
  • What do I want to teach my child?
  • How do I teach them?

For more helpful suggestions, please read the article below to learn more ways to respond to your child.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/What_To_Do_When_Your_Child_Gets_Angry

(photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Anxiety and Mantras

Experiencing anxiety is normal and can affect everyone in different ways. Sometimes, anxiety can prevent a person from living a healthy and balanced life. If your anxiety is crippling, it may mean talking to a counsellor to help develop ways on managing the symptoms. Some ways that may help a person overcome anxiety is the use of Mantras.

Mantras can be whatever you desire and are a brief remedy to help you through stressful situations. The link below uses 32 different mantras from people who suffer from anxiety. Take a look and see if any of them may help you start your mantra journey.

https://www.yahoo.com/health/32-mantras-that-help-people-get-1326503740317750.html

Storytelling With Children

A parent’s role is one of the hardest jobs out there. Nobody can prepare you for it. You can imagine it, read about it, and or hear others talk about it, but it never really sinks in until you’re a parent. I found the parallels of parenting and teaching to be very similar. Parents teach children how to manage their emotions socially and behaviorally by role modelling. How parents deal with stress is the way your child(ren) will deal with stress. In my opinion, role modelling is one of biggest and conspicuous forms of teaching.

A inconspicuous way of teaching is through storytelling. Relating and validating your child(ren) experiences through a narrative has many healing affects for their social and emotional development. The article below discusses how narration helps kids talk about their experiences without lecturing.

http://goodmenproject.com/families/why-storytelling-is-way-better-than-lecturing-your-kids/