Author: Magda

Can Music Heal?

Yes, music can certainly contribute to healing processes. According to the late and iconic Bob Marley, “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”. Music is a temporary form of relieving your anguish in a healthy way. From hearing the beat, harmonies/melodies, and lyrics, we instantly escape our realities. Even if it is just for a few minutes.

Mind Body Green posted an article on 6 ways music can heal you. Below is a brief paraphrased summary of the 6 ways:

  1. Listening to music releases a chemical named, dopamine. Dopamine is responsible for controlling the brain’s response to pleasure and reward centers. 
  2. Helps your cardiovascular system. Most likely, you want to get up and move and be active when listening to your favourite artist/ band.
  3. Shifts your thinking towards a positive perspective.
  4. Changes your mood and can ease your feelings anxiety, depression, or grief.
  5. Music aids you in remembering special life events you associate with the song/ artist.
  6. A research study found blood cells respond to sound frequencies within the body.

Music forms an instant sense of belonging and safety allowing you to relax and regulate your mood. Therefore, music heals!

 

(photo from cliparts.co)

What Is Your Communication Style?

Sounds like a simple question, right? The use of language is our way communicate. Language can be expressed verbally, in writing, behaviourally, and in abstract art to relay messages. Our communication style is our tone of voice in how we communicate and in conjunction with our behaviours (non-verbally with body language), but did you know there are 5 styles to communicate? The 5 styles are:

  1. Aggressive- violating the persons rights and needs by using anger.
  2. Passive- Aggressive- denying your negative feelings even though it is obvious.
  3. Assertive- expressing feelings and needs in a way that respects the other person’s beliefs.
  4. Submissive / Passive- Being unclear with how you feel and easily persuaded to take on others’ needs.
  5. Manipulative- Exploiting and mentally distorting with the intention to gain power and control of others’.

Identifying your style helps in how you confront issues in your life. Sometimes we have distorted ways of thinking or perceiving an event, which can influence our communication. Below is a copy of 15 styles of distorted thinking taken from Vanderlygeek:

Identifying and naming how you comprehend information is important when trying to change. Our perception is always different, but when we have negative thoughts controlling how we communicate, it impacts our relationships and quality of life.

What can you do? The use of I statements help in relaying how you feel without imposing or discrediting others. Examples of I statements are:

  1.  I feel… sad (emotion) when you criticize my cooking.
  2. I feel… annoyed when you interrupt me mid sentence.

 

 

 

 

Just Keep Breathing….Just Keep Breathing…

Just inhale in and exhale out, right? Sounds easy, but may not be so simple.

After a stressful day or week, what are some things you do that help you decompress? Some go to the gym and others may have that occasional alcoholic beverage to relax, but how about controlled breathing?

Controlled breathing can help decrease stress and increase mental alertness. Similarly, to attending a yoga class. Yogi’s have incorporated breath attunement in their practice for centuries. Research studies validated the benefits of controlled breathing on those who suffer from depression and anxiety. By slowly taking in concentrated breaths in and out supplies your body with oxygen and stabilizes your nervous system. Due to our environment being chaotic and fast paced, we can lose track on how stress effects our bodies.

Allowing yourself a few minutes each day to regulate your breath is helpful in maintaining a balance. Below is a simple script of controlled breathing copied and pasted from the article Breathe. Exhale. Repeat: The Benefits of Controlled Breathing:

“1. Sitting upright or lying down, place your hands on your belly.

2. Slowly breathe in, expanding your belly, to the count of five.

3. Pause.

4. Slowly breathe out to the count of six.

5. Work your way up to practicing this pattern for 10 to 20 minutes a day.”

Happy breathing!

(photo taken from Cliparts.co)

 

How To Help Your Child Through A Meltdown

Parenting has many challenges, especially when responding to your child’s meltdowns. You may find yourself panicking on how to respond to them. The best course of action is to always take a deep breath and know they are not doing anything on purpose. Once you can do that, you are able to respond to their needs.

The online article 20 Things To Say To Your Child Instead Of “Don’t Cry”  has some wonderful and helpful tips on how you can respond to your child. The article referenced the common responses that parents say to their child, such as “don’t cry” or “it makes me sad to see you cry”. These statements can directly and indirectly tell your child that their innate response to pain/ suffering should be kept private or that the child is causing the parent harm by expressing a natural emotional response.

Helping your child build their emotional resources by normalizing their responses is the first step. Acknowledging they are having a hard time and that you are there for them is a step in the right direction. The 20 responses to say to your child was copied and pasted below. I thought they were helpful tips in responding to your child.

1. I’m right here
2. I see how upset you are
3. I’m sorry this is hard, Love
4. I’ll be with you while you are upset
5. I’m not going anywhere
6. You are safe
7. There’s nothing more important than being with you right now
8. I’m sorry… you lost your lamby/your friend said that/you dropped your ice cream
9. I hear you Sweetheart

Drawing attention repeatedly back to the facts that are driving the upset:
10. You really wanted…that toy/some ice cream/daddy to stay home/to go to the park
11. That…dog/kid/ride/the way I shouted scared you
12. Let’s have another look at your hurt…knee/finger/toe

Holding a limit around the situation (and listening to the protests):
13. I can’t let you…go to that party/hit her/have that treat/play with my glasses
14. I need you to…put your shoes on/finish your homework/get in the car now

Reminding them of the hopeful perspective on the situation (and listening to their hopeless response):
15. You’ll get chocolate again soon
16. I know you’ll figure this all out
17. Mummy is coming back later
18. I’m sure you can still have a good time
19. You’ll do just fine with the tshirt we have
20. It won’t be like this forever

(photo taken from cliparts.co)

Does Stress Affect the Brain?

Stress can feel inevitable at times and just a part of life. We all have our ways to cope and manage stressors in our lives. It is when stress becomes chronic and our ways of managing does not remedy the situation. The Ted ED made a video on How stress affects your brain. It is posted below with a summary of the video.

Video Summary:

  • Chronic stress does affect your brain size and functionality.
  • The hypothalamus pituitary Adrenal Axis (HPAA), is the part of your brain where stress begins. It is a series of actions of endocrine glands in the brain and kidney that controls your response to stress.
  • When under stress your HPAA is activated and releases a hormone called cortisol.
  • Cortisol prepares you to respond to the stress ie. fight, flight or freeze.
  • High levels of cortisol changes the neural connections in the part of the brain called the Amygdala. This part of the brain is the fear center.
  • When cortisol levels increase, signals are sent to the part of the brain called the Hippocampus. This part of the brain is associated with learning, memories, and stress regulation starts to deteriorate due to the chronic stress arousal.
  • The hippocampus prevents the HPAA from managing stress (weakens you ability to manage stress).
  • Chronic cortisol levels can shrink your brain and reduces the amount of synaptic connections between neurons in the brain.
  • This shrinking affects the prefrontal cortex. This region regulates behaviours (such as decision making, concentration, judgement and social interactions). therefore, chronic stress may make it difficult to remember and learn new things.
  • These changes can lead to bigger problems like depression and then eventually Alzheimer disease.

A Study on Rats:

  •  A study completed with rats showed that a mother’s nurturance (emotional and physical response) to her baby played a huge role on how the baby will respond to stress later in life.
  • These babies with nurturing moms turned out less sensitive to stress because their brain developed more cortisol receptors. These receptors stick to cortisol and lessens the stress response.
  • The rats with negligent moms had the opposite outcomes and were highly sensitive to stress. These changes can be changed if the moms were nurturing and can alter the next generation of babies.

There is Hope:

  • To reverse the affects cortisol has on your brain is to exercise, and meditation/ mindfulness. This increases the size of the hippocampus and lessens your stress and improves your memory.

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Consent

Consent is an important component in keeping individuals safe. Although there is a law on consent, it seems to still confuse some people when it shouldn’t.

Unfortunately, we still live in a society that believes that rape culture is acceptable. This acceptance is largely condoned by our justice system and how they treat perpetrators and survivors. Every time a perpetrator receives a reduced sentence or the validity of a survivor’s disclosure is questioned. It reinforces rape culture.

The important take away here is, that we continue to talk about the laws of consent to educate our youth. Starting with our young children. The discussion should not be just one, it should be several conversations with your children.

The Huffington Post wrote an article about teaching your child about consent. I paraphrased some key points below, but it is a recommended read.

  1. Teach your child to ask for permission
  2. Help create empathy
  3. Teach your child that “no” and “stop” are important words. Your child may say no and stop often, so it is important that you listen and stop.
  4. Teach your child about non-verbal cues ie. facial expressions
  5. Never force your child to kiss, hug, or touch another person
  6. Encourage your child to wash their own genitals
  7. Teach your child about their body and allow them to talk about it.

These are just a few important points but the article has so much more to offer in educating parents and children.

The video below was so brilliant that It had to be circulated regrading consent.

photo taken from cliparts.co

Three Things You Should Not Say to Your Partner

Sometimes, it can be difficult to express how you feel to your partner, especially if it always ends in an argument. There are three starting statements you can avoid using when expressing yourself. Dr. John Gottman’s short clip below reviews three things you never say in an argument. These three statements are:

  1. You never
  2. you always
  3. Anything that is insulting or acting superior

These three statements indicate a hierarchy, essentially a power imbalance to reject your partner’s character. Dr. Gottman states that respect and equality is one of the basic foundations in having a healthy relationship. Feeling like you are being heard and valued in your relationship is an important component. When this does not occur, it can leave a person feeling resentful and angry.

Empathy and reflective listening can help you validate and understand your partners perspective without being defensive. To be able to express your perspective without put downs, you can try using I statements to explain yourself.

 

Photo take from Cliparts.co

Free Legal Representation For Women

Since 2002, the province of BC has cut back on legal aid funding. This has caused a large barrier for women in obtaining free legal advice. The Rise Women’s Legal Centre dedicated their practice in helping women with legal troubles. They even take on family court issues. If you are dealing with Custody and Access issues or Ministry of Children and Family Development involvement, this would be the right resource for you.

Rise Women’s Legal Centre

201 – 456 West Broadway,
Vancouver, BC V5Y 1R3

Intake appointments Tuesdays and Wednesdays starting May 24, 2016

info@womenslegalcentre.ca

(604) 451-7447

(Photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Inside Out and Emotional Regulation

Helping Children express their emotions have been linked to academic success. Children need to feel good and believe they are capable of achieving anything. Self confidence has a lot to do with how a person views themselves and in relation to others. When children are exposed to environments that are nurturing and stable, they flourish.

Of course this is not a new concept but an important reminder. Children respond to stress with their emotions and behaviours. There is no such thing as a bad child, but there is such thing as a lost child. The hope is to help children find ways to cope with uneasy feelings through empathy and discussions.

The questions copied and pasted below was taken from a blog post on Emotions Affect Learning, Behaviours, and Relationships. The author discusses how healthy emotional regulation is integral for children and their brain development. The film INSIDE OUT was highlighted as an example of how a child develops core memories and the relation to their emotional health. The author developed the questions below to promote self-reflection and awareness within children by using questions connected to the film.

Questions for Children

“Sadness helped Joy in the film, and your own Sadness can help you.

1. How do you cope with Sadness?
2. Can you use your Sadness to feel better? How?
3. What would happen if we never felt Sadness? Is it sometimes good to keep Sadness inside a circle so that it does not spread and get out of control? Why?

Fear and Anger can protect and motivate us.

4. When was Fear needed in your life?
5. How did Fear help you?
6. What is the perfect amount of Fear?
7. What happens to our thinking and problem solving when we carry too much Fear or Sadness?
8. How does Anger show up in your brain?
9. Has Anger ever helped you?
10. How do you typically handle your Anger?

Disgust keeps us from being poisoned physically and socially.

11. How has the feeling of Disgust helped you?
12. How has expressing Disgust hurt your relationships or experiences?

In the film, Joy plays the leading role among the feelings in Riley’s brain.

13. Does Joy always play the leading role in our brains?
14. What happened when Joy and Sadness left headquarters?
15. How do we see Joy in your brain?
16. What creates Joy to take over your brain?

Imagine having no feelings at all.

17. What would life be like if we didn’t have feelings?
18. Describe two positive changes in our life if we didn’t have feelings.
19. Describe two negative changes that could occur in a life with no feelings.” (Dr. Lori Desautels, March 10, 2016)

(photo taken from Cliparts.co)

Children and Mindfulness

Mindfulness may feel like a buzz word that is floating around. The fact is, it is not a buzz word or a fad. It is a way of life and can provide you with meaning and purpose. Essentially, to be mindful it means to be attuned to your feelings, thoughts, surroundings, and body. That may sound overwhelming but once you get the hang of it, it will become a natural process.

Unfortunately, our society tends to focus on doing things in a fast pace without really taking notice of how it impacts you. This way of existence can cause many forms of ailments, such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, It is important to notice and take time for yourself. Start each day by noticing your breath and how it moves in and out of your body. That will lead you into other avenues to be attuned.

I found an article that provides 7 ways to teach your children about mindfulness. Since role modelling is one of the essential components to a healthy attachment, do it with them!

Here is a video on how mindfulness can empower you. Enjoy!

(photo taken by cliparts.co)