Sometimes, it can be difficult to express how you feel to your partner, especially if it always ends in an argument. There are three starting statements you can avoid using when expressing yourself. Dr. John Gottman’s short clip below reviews three things you never say in an argument. These three statements are:
- You never
- you always
- Anything that is insulting or acting superior
These three statements indicate a hierarchy, essentially a power imbalance to reject your partner’s character. Dr. Gottman states that respect and equality is one of the basic foundations in having a healthy relationship. Feeling like you are being heard and valued in your relationship is an important component. When this does not occur, it can leave a person feeling resentful and angry.
Empathy and reflective listening can help you validate and understand your partners perspective without being defensive. To be able to express your perspective without put downs, you can try using I statements to explain yourself.
Photo take from Cliparts.co